Fly like an eagle

So much going on; much of it just maddening. However, I experienced something absolutely beautiful a few days ago. First,I was out on the lake with 4 of my favorite people in the world. It was beautiful. Lake was calm, sky was blue, water was a little chilly. 3 bald eagles could be seen soaring not far from the boat. One of them began circling low near the  water and dove straight down, submerged for a second or two, but came up with empty talons. A few minutes later another came soaring from the treetops and dove into the lake. He was submerged for not more than 2 seconds. He came up out of the water in a flurry with a wriggling silver fish in his talons. It was like something out of Wild Kingdom to watch. He b-lined it back to the tree tops tightly grasping that fish the whole way.  

A change of scenery, being out of the office, away from the phone and computer is healing. I feel my diapraghm begin to open up on the windy drive to the lake. I breath slower before we ever pull out of the boat slip and feel like a new person before getting out of the idle zone. For some people it's alcohol, others it is sex, and some it a vacation that takes them away. For me it is this beautiful lake only 15 minutes from door to dock. 

Kindness

Kindness is the most attractive trait in any human being.  I have come to not only believe this, but recently, to live by it.  I no longer want to be around people that are mean, or negative; not in any aspect of my life, not at work, not in relationships, not in friendships, not in life.

Lately I have met  people that I have initially thought didn't fit the mold.  By "the mold", I mean they may not have the same education, career, or upbringing that I'm accustom to.  What a stereotypical bitch I have been!  People are coming into my life that I never expected.  Their kindness brings calmness, happiness and contentment.  It feels a little weird; mainly because I'm not used to it.  Is the other shoe going to fall?  Historically I keep thinking it will.  Emotionally, I keep thinking that I hope it doesn't.  I hope to be proven wrong.

I really wanted to take Aima fishing before she left for home in Xi'an, China.  I was nervous to do this on my own.  Too much to think about being in charge of the boat, and teaching her.  A friend of mine offered to go with us and show her how to do it.  This man has never been a teacher.  He's been a dad.  I guess that was enough.  He taught her how to use an open bail rod so well, that her first cast, and subsequently every cast after that, was perfect.  Aima made it look like art.

Deadlines

I believe that life for me is harder than it has ever been. I have been through lots of stressful, chaotic, and disastrous times over the last 46 years. But this is just hard.  Why, because I feel like the clock is always ticking. Being in school again there are deadlines everyday. Deadlines use to be get Nadia somewhere at a specific time, meet friends at Upland at 6, be at work at 7:30, have dinner ready by 8, give Copper his meds within 12,hours of each other, and buy beer before heading home. 

Now it is discussion boards, lab assignments and quizzes, chapter tests, group wiki projects, reflection papers, lab journal entries, experiments. And they all have a date and a time attached to them. It's hard to get use to. I don't think online classes are in the future for me next time. I'm finding that I'm not managing my anxiety very well. Deadlines stress me out. Prioritizing what to do first and on what time table is more than I want to manage right now. Can someone write out a weekly plan for me? I'll buy you a beer!

Equality

Tonight's convo with Nadia, my 15 year old, daughter.

Mom:  Can you the dark clothes in the bathroom basket and add them to the dark clothes in the laundry room and get a load going?

Nadia:  Well I have a dark load to put in.

Mom:  Just add your stuff to it.

Nadia:  I have a whole load.

Mom:  Ok just put it in so we can keep the laundry moving.

10 minutes later...

Mom:  Can you gather the 4 little trashes upstairs and I'll take out the kitchen one?  It's trash night.

Nadia:  How about some equality?  Why don't you take out the 4 small ones and I'll take out the kitchen one.

Mom:  Hell Yeah!  I vote for equality!  You do dishes 3 nights a week, I do 3 nights a week, you do laundry 3 days, I'll do laundry 3 days, you cook 3 times a week, I'll cook 3 times a week, you clean the house and vacuum for a week, then I'll do it for a week.  I would actually love some equality around here.

Nadia:  No mom, I was just saying I learned about equality, I don't actually want to practice here in the house!

This night is never going to end.  Hmmmmm

Little boat

People say the two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it. I disagree. Everyday I spend on the lake in my little boat is a great day. Even the times I have been stranded or spent an hour or two towing someone else in have been worth it. There are unspoken rules out on the lake that don't exist on land. People always wave when passing another boat. And you never pass anyone by that appears to be stranded. That will be you one day and lake karma is a bitch. 

Boats are also expensive to keep and maintain. For the first time in ten or more years, I am thinking about selling it. It's paid for. But I find myself questioning whether or not the work and the money are equal to the amount of time I am actually able to spend out there. I spent less time on the lake  this summer than I have in many years past 

On the other hand, there is nothing that heals me like being on the water. It slows my breathing, offers an escape from the computer, phone, and tv, provides a beautiful landscape and sunset every time, and is a great thing to share.

This is a hard decision. It's in the shop now. I pulled it off the lake this morning. I'll wait and see what Chuck says. 

rude awakening

Coming out of the roughest week in my life.  Work brought a new experience for me.  I came head to head with the 2 chiefs at work.  I'm a team player, I usually don't create waves.  I want to take care of the kids at Fairview, but I was asked to start a protocol that was way outside the scope of my professional responsibilities.  Luckily, I had the director of Health Services for MCCSC come advocate for me and that she did.  We won!

I started back to school this week for the first time in 23 years.  I have had little free time, little time to sleep, I have had to say no to drinks, pool swims, get-togethers, and cooking, cleaning and laundry.  There is so much to learn with taking online classes.  The communications class is fun and I am enjoying what I am learning, but the Anatomy and Physiolgy class is OVERWHELMING.  I finally took my first chapter test and first lab test after studying all week.

I had papers, power points, notes, lab supplies, printouts, just crazy.  And I didn't do that great on either one.  B material.  But I think I know what to expect  next time.

The house fairy had been at my house when I got home today after a long 52 hour work week.  Natalya had come and cleaned my house, did the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, bought groceries, bought me a new coffee maker, and left me a Kroger gift card to buy some good wine.  Better than all of that, she left me the nicest card that said she wanted to help me the way I've always helped her.  It was so nice.  But shortly afterwards I had a meltdown because the test I was taking disappeared off the screen I was working on.

The rest of this weekend, I'm going to relax. enjoy the lake, my friends, my daughter, my bed, my tv and some good drinks.  I'll start over next week, being more familiar with the technology and the expectations, and hopefully be better prepared.  I know I can do this, I just want to be able to do it well.

Crying wolf or crying for help

How do you know the difference between crying wolf and crying for help with teenagers. Even better, spoiled teenagers. Manipulation has been her MO, using medical terminology to describe her sickness is her warped gift. She doesn't get her way, she freaks out, she has created these problems and now they are too big and out of control to fix. Back at meadows and this is the 4th time in two years. Will this time be different? It better be. I feel like a volcano!