Deadlines

I believe that life for me is harder than it has ever been. I have been through lots of stressful, chaotic, and disastrous times over the last 46 years. But this is just hard.  Why, because I feel like the clock is always ticking. Being in school again there are deadlines everyday. Deadlines use to be get Nadia somewhere at a specific time, meet friends at Upland at 6, be at work at 7:30, have dinner ready by 8, give Copper his meds within 12,hours of each other, and buy beer before heading home. 

Now it is discussion boards, lab assignments and quizzes, chapter tests, group wiki projects, reflection papers, lab journal entries, experiments. And they all have a date and a time attached to them. It's hard to get use to. I don't think online classes are in the future for me next time. I'm finding that I'm not managing my anxiety very well. Deadlines stress me out. Prioritizing what to do first and on what time table is more than I want to manage right now. Can someone write out a weekly plan for me? I'll buy you a beer!

Equality

Tonight's convo with Nadia, my 15 year old, daughter.

Mom:  Can you the dark clothes in the bathroom basket and add them to the dark clothes in the laundry room and get a load going?

Nadia:  Well I have a dark load to put in.

Mom:  Just add your stuff to it.

Nadia:  I have a whole load.

Mom:  Ok just put it in so we can keep the laundry moving.

10 minutes later...

Mom:  Can you gather the 4 little trashes upstairs and I'll take out the kitchen one?  It's trash night.

Nadia:  How about some equality?  Why don't you take out the 4 small ones and I'll take out the kitchen one.

Mom:  Hell Yeah!  I vote for equality!  You do dishes 3 nights a week, I do 3 nights a week, you do laundry 3 days, I'll do laundry 3 days, you cook 3 times a week, I'll cook 3 times a week, you clean the house and vacuum for a week, then I'll do it for a week.  I would actually love some equality around here.

Nadia:  No mom, I was just saying I learned about equality, I don't actually want to practice here in the house!

This night is never going to end.  Hmmmmm

Little boat

People say the two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it. I disagree. Everyday I spend on the lake in my little boat is a great day. Even the times I have been stranded or spent an hour or two towing someone else in have been worth it. There are unspoken rules out on the lake that don't exist on land. People always wave when passing another boat. And you never pass anyone by that appears to be stranded. That will be you one day and lake karma is a bitch. 

Boats are also expensive to keep and maintain. For the first time in ten or more years, I am thinking about selling it. It's paid for. But I find myself questioning whether or not the work and the money are equal to the amount of time I am actually able to spend out there. I spent less time on the lake  this summer than I have in many years past 

On the other hand, there is nothing that heals me like being on the water. It slows my breathing, offers an escape from the computer, phone, and tv, provides a beautiful landscape and sunset every time, and is a great thing to share.

This is a hard decision. It's in the shop now. I pulled it off the lake this morning. I'll wait and see what Chuck says.